Don't Give Up on Me Yet
by ducksgoquack09
Summary: Jenny's returned from an extended stay with her Mother. She walks back into a life where she plays a minor role, overlooked by everyone how long till the loneliness harms her? And who will notice her downwards spiral.
1. Chapter 1

**Don't Give up on Me Yet**

She tugged impatiently on the sleeve of her over-sized jumper, Dan was meant to have met her twenty minutes ago.

She stared impatiently around her, eyes alert- scanning the station for any sign of a recognisable face, but to her displeasure she saw none.

She sank down, resting on the edge of her over-sized maroon suitcase. Her eyes fluttered, it had been a long week and she was ready to drift off at any point.

"Jenny," Dan's voice carried clearly over the bustling, busy noise of the commuters.

Jenny's face broke into a smile – finally, she felt such a relief to be home. Her face fell however when she saw the blank look on Dan's face.

Jenny sighed she hadn't expected everything to have changed in her absence but she had been wishing for a slightly warmer reception from her brother, "_Well it's not like I deserve one"_

She quickly stood, tugging on the stubborn handle of her suitcase before walking over to meet her brother.

The journey back to Lily's apartment was silent. Dan had asked a few polite questions, but barely listened to the answers; he seemed to be studiously looking anything that did not resemble Jenny.

Jenny had spent a fair amount of time at her Mums by herself, but never had she felt so alone.

This displeasure radiating from someone she cared so much about hurt her to the core.

* * *

Jenny stepped cautiously towards the living room of Lily's apartment, reaching out for the door her hand shook violently, _"It's just because I'm excited, not nervous, excited" _

Pushing open the door she took a self conscious step into the room_, _sat on a curved white sofa was her father and Lily.

Rufus stood quickly, walking over to his daughter and wrapping his arms around her, Jenny felt warmth overwhelm her and she stood blissfully peaceful. She smiled up at her Dad but saw confusion on his face.

Lily was more reserved, she did not rise to greet Jenny, merely nodding in her direction. Jenny felt her eyes prick, is what she should expect to live with from now on, closed off expressions and stilted conversations.

"We were going to go out in a minute, have a dinner to celebrate your return" Rufus's voice was as she remembered warm and joyful, however he too seemed unable to return her stare. _"Let's think a 'celebratory' return meal where everyone hated her gut? Maybe not and anyway . . ."_

"I think I'd rather just go to bed if it's all the same, I return to school on Monday and I'll need tomorrow to get sorted." Rufus tried to hide the relief that flooded his face but Jenny saw a glimpse and felt her chest contract.

"Alright then I'll have something sent up." Jenny blanched before quickly speaking.

"No that's OK, I got lunch at the station and I'm not really that hungry now, I'll just, um, go" She turned quickly, rushing up the stairs before turning into her old room, flinging herself down on the soft, expensive, covers. Her body began to shake as loneliness and self hate consumed her and she finally allowed herself to cry.

* * *

Sunday passed quickly, she saw glimpses of her past – Serena popped in at midday to discuss some trivial argument Chuck and Blair with Dan and Dorota popped in carrying a stack of clothes from Mrs Waldorf.

However her presence was ignored, if not downright unwelcome so Jenny kept to her room. She went to bed early dreading the following day.

It was still dark when her eyes opened, reflecting her mood.

There was an acid feeling in her stomach, eating her from the inside out.

Her eyes fell on the uniform, folded precisely on the end of her bed, and the acid began to boil.

She couldn't so this, she couldn't face them all, not the bitching and looks – oh those looks that managed to carry damning judgment, hate and resentment.

She was their queen and how she had fallen!

But staying here wasn't an option, the silence that fell when she entered a room was loud – the formal, polite conversations, put strain on her sanity.

Grudgingly Jenny pulled herself out of bed, stumbling, whilst rubbing the dust out of her eyes, she moved to the vanity.

She caught her reflection in the mirror, her eyes critically swept across her face, finding every small imperfection, all the blemishes. Her face fell, her fingers rose tentatively and till they were resting near her cheeks, fingertips resting on her cheekbones.

Distaste filled her face, she turned quickly. In a hurried determination she changed into her uniform, pulling on a pair of grey tights and an over-sized peacock necklace, the colours bright against her pale appearance.

She ran a brush forcefully through her hair, it reached long past her shoulders, the blond tendrils trailing of around halfway down her back. Grabbing her bag from the corner she gave herself one final appraising look in the mirror. _Too pale, too large, no style, worthless_, the voices in her head ran into each other. She paused for a long second, hesitant, before turning and heading out of her room.

She found the kitchen mercifully empty, excepting Dan with waffle, book and coffee – "_his life sources" _Jenny mused.

"Jenny," Dan's voice was courteous but there was no emotion in it, "Want a waffle?"

He added the latter as an afterthought, lifting the plate towards her. Jenny's head hurt, she ached for the days when good mornings involved light teasing and conversation, not these clipped comments – he'd barely looked at her face since she'd returned.

"I'm OK, I'll just grab a coffee on the way" The corners of Dan's mouth twitched down but he made no comment, merely turning back to his mobile.


	2. Chapter 2

**First of all a thank you to everyone who has taken the time to actually read this and a BIG thank you to the reviewers – I've gone round with a stupid smile on my face for a whole day. I'm not too sure about this chapter; it doesn't feel as well written, so any feedback (positive or negative) would be appreciated :)**

**Disclaimer: I Own Nothing. Nada. Zilch :(**

It was with apprehension, and if she was being honest, downright terror that Jenny approached the steps.

To an outsider Jenny looked confident, untroubled – even bored, but in her time as Queen she'd learnt the finer details of the art of the poker face and was using to her advantage as she felt the eyes of the school upon her.

_"Eyes forward, there is only you. No one's looking, or staring, or gossiping" _Jenny repeated the mantra over and over, trying to keep the panic at bay. Then an exceptionally harsh giggle caused Jenny eyes to flutter up.

The eyes upon her were wide and ravenous,

"_Forget it of course they are - this is the perfect scandal. "_

Jenny took several deep breaths and continued walking, eyes trained in a straight line, her steps were quick, although she tried to keep them measured - to appear scared would just get her hurt.

She reached the entrance quickly slipping easily through the other students. She could feel the eyes upon her being replaced with camera lens, a nightmare photo shoot.

Jenny kept her head ducked, "_great Gossip Girl will have her fill today"._

_ Reaching her classroom she slipped gratefully into her seat and leaning back decided on the mature belief that if she shut her eyes her malevolent peers would disappear and she could be alone. "__Funny that just yesterday I was praying for any form of social interaction, but this is worse than the silences"_

* * *

The lessons passed in a haze of disapproving looks and unanswered questions. Jenny soon settled into a routine, she meticulously ignored anything that moved, be it teacher or student; merely copying down the bare minimum of what she was expected.

Lunch found Jenny seated on a table in a, mercifully deserted, classroom. She balanced frozen yoghurt on her lap but made no attempt to eat it. Rather she stared dejectedly into her hands; the knuckles stuck out weirdly making her hands look strange, almost alien.

_"Very fitting, after all I feel like an alien – lost somewhere I don't want to be"_

* * *

Jenny's feet flew as she sped down the steps; eager to get out of the spotlight – the stares seemed to be heavy, she could feel them pushing down on her, suffocating her.

She spotted her car, waiting only a short distance down the road. Relief coursing through her body she sped up.

Then a hand grabbed her small wrist. Jenny whirled around, anger fiery in her eyes, ready to free herself of the anger building inside of her on the poor unfortunate fool who had decided to approach her. The onslaught of words was stooped as her eyes fixed upon a glacial pair of blue ones.

"Your back," It was a statement not a question; Nate's eyes appraised her, a slight crease between his eyes.

"Yes." her chest tightened, this was all too much – too many old faces in one day and too many memories associated with this particular face. She willed herself not to look into his eyes, "Excuse me" she pushed past him, a slight rush to her pace as she set off. . . in completely the wrong direction.

"Shit", the curse was muttered under her breath. Well there was nothing for it now - there was no way she was turning back and facing him she'd have to keep walking. Striding with fake confidence she continued up the street, she'd loop round and get to the car that way.

* * *

"I hope you had a good day? Lily and I are attending a benefit Gala but we've ordered some food to be sent up," Jenny felt like screaming; shouting, slamming doors – anything to stop the grating **niceness **in her father's voice.

Images flashed before her eyes; _Rufus teaching a miniature Jenny, pale blonde hair brought firmly into two ponytails on either side of her head" to play songs on his guitar – the neck reaching far above her head. The car blasting classic rock as Rufus drove Jenny and Dan, who had his fingers planted firmly in his ears, to school. _

Suddenly she needed to get away from him and the guarded look in his eyes,

"I was going to go for a run anyway," she plastered a smile on her face, entirely too much teeth to be truly convincing –and Rufus did not look convinced.

"Surely you should eat first?" The concern in Rufus's voice brought a warmth to Jenny's heart, only to disappear as suddenly seconds later "_I don't deserve any concern,"_  
"Oh I'll be fine – I'm sure they'll save the food till I return" She tried to inject energy and happiness into her voice, before swiftly heading back to her room, determined to finish the conversation.

Jenny pushed herself hard, she found running cathartic, it pushed other thoughts from her head. Except, suddenly Jenny's vision began to blur, black spots appearing at the edge of her vision. Dizzily she spotted an empty bench and collapsed onto it.

She rested in the same position for several minutes. She lazily stared up at the sky, it al seemed so peaceful, there may have been busy traffic screaming past from each direction but the clouds in the sky were blissfully unaware of such earthly matters, drifting along so slowly.

Then a shadow fell in front of her and Jenny sat up straight, shocked by the sudden apparition.

* * *

Chuck took another step forward, Jenny jumped up, meaning to get dodge past him and continue back to the house, but Chuck had a strong presence and she found herself unable to move out of his glare.

"Why'd you leave" his voice drawled, direct as always and seemingly unconscious of the curious stares from all directions.

"It wasn't working out." her desire to leave the conversation was evident but Chuck was unperturbed.

"So you skipped town? Not that I minded, but call me curious,"

Jenny closed her eyes, drawing in a shaky breath through clenched teeth, "I don't need this right now Chuck," she released her breath taking a step back, distancing herself from those burning eyes., "Look it's evident enough, you don't want me back here, but I'll be gone soon. I'll be sure to stay out of your way."

She spoke the last words with finality, she was done with this – she just wanted to get home, well Lily's at any rate, but Chuck blocked her path.

He sucked in his cheeks, cheekbones sticking out, prominent against his face. For the first time since they'd started talking Jenny really looked at him, he was immaculately dressed as always, down to the red shoes, but his face looked tired, his frame a bit gaunt.

He seemed off put by her analysing him and took a step away, moving out of her way, "Just stay away from Nate he doesn't need a juvenile distraction."

Jenny flinched at his words but nodded her agreement, "I didn't come back for him"

"So why then is it all that Gossip Girl has put out a blast concerning a heated meeting between the two of you?" Chucks voice was spiteful and the softness that had briefly touched his eyes had disappeared.

"I didn't initiate that," Jenny's head began to pound, why would he not leave her be- she hadn't begun to understand why Nate had sought her out and she could certainly give Chuck no explanation, "Nate and I have no more reason to talk".

Chucks eyes still screamed uneasiness but he made no attempt to speak again so Jenny, stepping quickly past him, continued down the path. She could feel Chuck's eyes boring into her back, assuming he was checking she was truly going, she sped up disappearing from his sight.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you - Yes YOU :')**

**This isn't as long , mainly because it was really difficult to find the right words :)**

**Disclaimer: I own not anything =(**

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* * *

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Jenny nestled, legs curled around her, into the plush armchair.

She felt restless and her numerous attempts to start her homework had resulted in a brutal headache.

Jenny grimaced as harsh sunlight burst through the window, bringing a slender hand up to shield her eyes.

Keeping them firmly closed she rested her head down on the arm of the chair and allowed the stress of the past to week to fade away.

She awoke to a very different room, darkness seeped through the window and only a soft glow radiated around the room from a regal lamp in the corner, casting daunting shadows on the walls.

Then Jenny started. A soft, beautifully luxurious, cream blanket was wrapped around her.

_Who? Why?_

Running her fingers along the seam the corners of her mouth turned up ever so slightly, causing slight dimples in her gaunt face.

However the question returned, who?

Rufus and co were out at a charity dinner for some endangered species, she had been relieved they did not force her to go.

* * *

"Jenny," a voice called from behind her, someone had just stepped through the door to the living room, their voice hesitant, unsure, "It's like one in the morning, I saw the light. Are you ok?"

Eric. Jenny had been told he was away on some school trip, although that had seemed a convenient reason to avoid her, she stood up, turning to face him.

"I'm fine" she kept her voice flat and toneless, even as she felt her heartbeat quicken, there was silence for a minute as Eric seemed to consider her, when he spoke again his voice rang out, loud.

"Try again," Eric's stare was fierce, "I know you Jenny"

"Maybe you did . . ." She couldn't complete the sentence, what was she doing-"I'm just going to go. To bed."

She was half way to the stairs when a thought occurred to her.

She turned to face Eric and felt herself take an unconscious step back, there was such passion in that gaze, and something else. Concern.

Jenny blanched, she didn't want, NO she didn't deserve compassion – she could deal with the hate and anger they made sense, but this was different and it frightened her.

"Thanks for the blanket."

Eric's forehead creased in confusion, "What blanket Jenny."

More perplexed than ever she turned back, but Eric caught her muttered sigh.

"Then who?"

* * *

Jenny tried to sit up, struggling. She felt like hell, everything hurt.

She pulled herself forward attempting to get up off of her bed, but her eyes blacked over and she felt herself go weak, collapsing forward.

_This is no time for being weak, I just need to get through a few months then school will be over, and then I'll be finished here. Forever._

She regulated her breathing, quelling the panic that rose when air did not come easily.

Using the bed as a support she pulled herself up. She dressed in her uniform, pulling on a jumper to combat the chill she felt in her bones, before pulling her hair up into a long ponytail.

She turned to grab her bag, carefully ignoring the vanity, before facing the steps down to the kitchen, preparing herself for the questions and, half hearted, concern.

* * *

She stepped into the kitchen hesitantly, wishing she'd left her hair down to cover her face.

Lily, Dan and Rufus sat around the counter, how things always used to be.

Jenny moved forward, taking a seat on one of the stools and pouring herself a glass of juice.

She waited, feeling more vulnerable by the second, for the questions to start.

"Morning Jennifer," Rufus said the words as an aside, immersed as he was in a conversation with Lily.

Dan made no movement of acknowledgment content with studying something on his laptop.

No one raised their eyes to look at her. Jenny felt her eyes prick, she felt her throat contract, _I need to go, now, I hate this, I hate me._

She got up sharply, then wished she hadn't she felt her head go dizzy once again, attempting to appear normal she slung her bag over her shoulder before heading, awkwardly, to the door.

Her head turned, almost reluctantly, to give the family one last look. _Their family._

_

* * *

_

Never had a day crawled along so slowly.

Jenny regretted her fashion choice, it was the height of summer and her strange attire was causing more stares than usual. All eyes seemed to be on her, _which means I cannot look less than perfect. _

It was a vicious cycle; she was using all her energy into looking normal, which in turn was resulting in her feeling more lethargic, she could not concentrate in lessons so she put on a 'interested face' and prayed the teachers were observant enough not to choose her.

Lunch did not arrive soon enough, she had taken to spending her lunches in the same empty classroom, it afforded her the only privacy in her school day and she hurriedly departed from her classroom eager to arrive there.

She was almost there when she felt her face screw up as a jolt of pain shoot up thorugh her leg; she stumbled clasping onto a nearby railing.

The pain was blinding her and she felt her resolve weakening.

_I can't do this._

_Yes, yes I have to; I don't want to attract any more attention._

She fought her way through the pain to push her way through the milling students to her classroom.

Inside she closed the door quietly before retreating to the far corner. She slid down the wall until her knees were up too her chest.

As she felt another wave of nausea hit she could taste the salt as the tears began to fall.


	4. Chapter 4

**Sooooo sorry for the long delay- was in the middle of exam period and family drama. Basically got caught up and it got in the way, however exams are all but done so should be able to update weekly now :) I'm not overly happy with some parts of this but tbh I'm just glad I've written enough to update =)**

**Also this chapter contains some points from Nates POV :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

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* * *

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The rain poured steadily down the window, grey and despairing - blurring and distorting the world beyond.

Only a pair of icy blue eyes were reflected back, hidden among the constantly shifting background.

The car pulled up to the pavement carefully, the driver acutely aware of the price tag attached to the car he was driving.

Nate stretched, long legs uncurling from their position. Slowly, he pulled himself up reaching for the handle of the door.

Stepping out he stood still, face up staring at the gray sky as the rain soaked his hair – pushing it flat on his head.

* * *

She felt faint, fragile; a harsh pounding in the back of her head caused her to push her fingernails deep into the skin of her palm.

She focused on pulling the figure in front of her into focus, her eyes screwing up with the effort.

"You said you were ok!" the voice forced her eyes open, matching the voice to a face.

She sat up startled, but immediately regretted it the pounding in her head became more pronounced and she barely contained a wince.

"What are you doing here, this isn't your school?" Eric didn't answer, moving carefully, almost warily, forward he dropped onto the floor next to Jenny.

The next minutes passed in silence, Eric kept his eyes carefully averted from Jenny concentrating on picking at a crack in the wooden floor – a small pile of chippings building up next to his fingers.

Her eyes were fixed on the window, the weather had changed for the worse- rain gently hit the pane before running down into streams that flowed of the pane and out of sight.

"We were close once," his voice, little more than a whisper, rang loud in the empty classroom, "until . . ." his voice trailed off and he returned

_Until I ruined everything, until I let pride come in front of compassion for my best friend_. Jenny's eyes became watery, the blue, enhanced by the unshed tears, became cobalt in colour.

"I really am ok, I've probably just got a cold or something," eager to dissuade Eric Jenny forced a smile onto her face.

Immediately Eric's features darkened, awkwardly he got to his feet, tripping up he grabbed a table to balance himself.

His voice was now loud, angry "You really haven't changed have you Jenny, your still lying to me – to everyone. Pretending to be someone you're not."

"Maybe I was always like this"

"Evidently" Eric turned and walked out without looking back, "Maybe you just like the attention"

"Wait, please" There was a note of desperation in Jenny's voice and Eric turned back cautiously, "I just. I'm not" Her voice trailed off, she took a steadying breath and, looking at a spot to the right of Eric .

"Could you please help me to the nurse's office, I just feel a bit weak right now," _I want to go home, I want to sleep, so tired._

Eric didn't reply, rather he walked across to jenny and extended a hand.

Slowly her long pale fingers reached up to clasp his and he eased her gently off the floor.

In silence, keeping a hold of her elbow, he led her towards the door. The silence confused Jenny, her gaze fixed on Eric, questioning.

Replying to the questions left unsaid Eric spoke up,

"You won't admit your wrong, but no matter what you say Jenny don't forget I know you, all of you – The bitch and Little J."

A small smile played across his lips, "whether you choose to see it or not you're just as much my sister as Serena is –that means I'm entitled to get pissed off with you when you muck up."

Jenny stiffened and Eric's support on her elbow became stronger, "But I'll also forgive you, eventually. Always."

His speech had carried them through the mercifully empty corridors, pupils being otherwise engaged in lessons, and to the door of the nurses office. Unsteadily Jenny put her hand on the handle but hesitated,

"You may mean those things but you know deep down what everyone knows. Little J died long ago. I betrayed everyone, I betrayed you – what if that's just who I am. Someone who tries but fails, who always chooses the wrong option and ends up hurting the people they care for."

She felt a hand rest lightly on her shoulder but shrugged it off, "I don't deserve your friendship Eric, you should move on". She left no chance for his reply, moving swiftly through the door.

A lone tear tracked a path down her hollow cheek.

* * *

Nate's many reflections stared out of the lifts mirrored walls, the same intense glare from each set of eyes.

He played nervously with the cuff of his jacket_, _before he checked himself bringing his arms to hang casually at his sides, only his hand betrayed his true feelings – clenched tightly into fists.

_I need to get a grip, it's just lunch with a few of Lily's family friends there is no need to be so nervous_

However he still felt an uneasiness flowing through his veins. It was not even as if he held any animosity for Serena and Dan anymore – he and Serena had been little more than a childhood fantasy, so then what, or who_?_

The ding of the elevator brought him back to the present, and a look of relief flooded his tense features, dwelling on his reluctance to go to this dinner would not help to relax him.

Walking into the apartment he was met by a quite murmur of conversation and a general sense of joviality.

Entering the spacious kitchen a general consensus of greetings and encouragements to sit down awaited him.

He readily took his seat and entered into the conversation. The meal passed in a haze of good food and laughter and the conversation flowed on.

Looking up from a thoroughly empty plate Nate's eyes stopped on Eric.

The boy sat between Rufus and Lily, however his focus was not on them – rather his brow was furrowed as he stared away from Nate.

Following the intense gaze, Nate's eyes travelled across to a figure sat slightly hunched forward, thin shoulders pulled up hair loosely pulled over one shoulder, fork pushing the food across her plate.

Nate felt something twist in his stomach and turned away, trying not to consider the cause of the emotions of that figure but the twist tightened when he saw the concern in Eric's face.

He turned back and looked deeper at the figure, his expression drew sombre.

Nate could not quite place how Jenny looked, there was something wrong that he couldn't recognise – or that she was hiding well.

Nate turned away sharply, _or it could be nothing_ _she could just be tired. She turned on you, on everyone. You promised yourself you wouldn't care anymore. _

Nate repeated the mantra in his head, until he was almost convinced it was true.


End file.
